Before things change back to fun, fresh, and exciting, I’d like to take just one moment to be honest. Like ugly crying honest. It’s like my last post never even happened, the one where I was all cool and confident that this moving thing would be a-OK. I’ve been finding myself crying on the floor at least once a day, if not more… Positively feel like I’m coming apart at the seams. It’s not that I’m not totally excited for our life there, or that I don’t think everything will be all right, it’s just that my brain and body are completely overwhelmed. I feel like I’ve been carrying too much, trying to keep too much straight for just a little too long… And my emotions aren’t willing to stand up under it anymore.
When this all started, I thought that we might move at the end of February. That was suddenly changed to the end of January, and I had a total freak out about it. In hindsight, I don’t know how I could even stand one more month of all the stress, and all the goodbyes to the people I love. I kind of can’t wait to just rip the bandaid off and for life to slow down again.
Today is our last day living in Seattle for the next few years. I’m trying to keep all of our stuff sorted and it’s a little or a lot crazy. We need clothes for the next nine days here, but they will go into storage after that; we need every bit of summer apparel that we own for life in Singapore (jon returned from his trip reporting that we may never wear longsleeved anything ever again… He says it’s ridiculously hot, and this was even in their cool season!); but before that I get to take one more polar plunge with Remy into the frozen tundra of Wisconsin later this week, so I can say goodbye to all my family there. It feels like a packing nightmare, and I currently sit with six open suitcases all over my bedroom trying to mathematically figure out what goes where.
We are shipping a small load of stuff to Singapore via ocean freight, but if there is anything that we need sooner than 4 to 6 weeks, it has to be packed in our luggage. Gah. Will someone please just do this for me? I don’t even care what I end up with there… I’m just tired of trying to figure it out.
I absolutely know that I am blowing all of this out of proportion. Jon reminded me last night even if we pack all wrong, and ship all wrong, even if we end up with absolutely nothing over there… Everything will still be okay. And I know that’s true! So my emotional breakdown is undoubtedly coming from another source, and it’s probably just trying to make sense of this massive change happening to us.
I want to say thanks to all the people closest to me who are witnessing me at my unfinest. I know I’ve probably been scattered, inattentive, distracted, distant, and maybe a little bit difficult to deal with. It sucks that I’m leaving on this note…thank you for all your help and encouragement. Thank you for allowing me to be so ungraceful, and for loving on me and my kids as we transition. My heart is breaking as I process leaving all of you for a time. I’ll miss you more than I can adequately say.